WOW!! My sweet Spencer's smile blog. Complete warmed my heart. I was looking for a diary of sorts because these times are nuts and I cannot make up this stuff if I tried.
I look at the pictures in these former posts and wonder who that person is in those pictures???
SO....here is me....NOW. Momma, wife, SOUTHERN, friend, working momma, football lover......where is church goer in that description? Not sure.....
I digress....I just have to START today...... because I cannot make this shit up.....so today's story......been a long day at work and coach texted to say that the hurricane is coming and we HAVE to HAVE this foam sealant shit TODAY. OK-coach is smart and momma don't reason with hurricane season.......so fast track idiotic requests at work, text best friend/neighbor and tell her I'm running carpool/kidnapping her daughter to go to BIG BLUE BOX STORE to get foam sealant shit and we will be home shortly. Perfect! Best friend/neighbor gets a little break and I get foam shit for the coach. WIN/WIN. Get BUGGY at BIG BLUE BOX STORE and push the adorable dumplings into the store. We are greeted by a very nice grandpa that asks how he can help us to which, our BLESSING, responds: LOOK! you can see my booty!!
The "Blessing" our 3rd. Truly, TRULY, our extra, our unplanned, our "whoops".......so the Blessing proclaims that she can show us her "booty". As myself and sweet grandpa look down at the same time, IN SLO-MO, I realize she has unsnapped her outfit and her "big girl panties" are cattywhapas (YESSSSS). Yep, full frontal....in the BIG BLUE BOX STORE with grandpa. Grandpa staggers away, traumatized and we proceed to find the foam shit. POOR best friend/neighborhood friend.....you did not sign off on this.....
Manage to find foam shit and head to check out without anymore "exposure". Still with me? K.......cause the night is young. Drop off sweet neighbor/best friend child only to realize that my offspring have NOTHING to eat for dinner. Recruit one armed daughter to head to Kroger to buy necessities for tacos..
Who the HELL can go wrong with Taco night?! "I HATE TOMATOES"; "LETTUCE IS GROSS"; Really......GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.....Eat it or starve......don't care. OH-KEL.....come help me move this chair.......ok,,,,,fighting with your offspring to eat something besides video games....YOU are in a holding pattern. MOVE TO LEFT WITH YOUR DAMN CHAIR; offspring are in the flight path for bed and if you MESS WITH MAMMA ABOUT THE FLIGHT PLAN.....YOU DIE.
So you just think this is where THIS night ends.....OH NO! Tacos are consumes, private parts are covered......idiotic decisions at work continue from home.....standing in the kitchen and this BEAST crawls across my toe. Just trying to load my dishwasher but this BEAST is an asshole and wants a part of the action.
After I had 1,000 heart attacks.....Rocky decides that he FINALLY needs to get involved. It is bad that I was screaming, "Swipe the leg, Johnny?"......OH COME ON....you KNOW!!!!
Rocky lays one paw on the killer of all mankind and order is restored.....the beast is dead. K.......so Rocky is celebrating by throwing the dead thing in the air and he thinks he is cool. I get a roll of paper towel, a roll of toilet paper, a diaper, a bat, a semiautomatic (just kidding) and HAIRSPRAY.....ask MeMe when I die. I am armed, gather the dead and FLUSH that shit for extra measure. Rocky decides to be a part of the last rites and knocks over a whole 16 oz. WHOOPS, Rocky is drinking too!!!!